Twisted
by Brownfur's Dream
Summary: Warriors with a twist. Will Squirrelflight be able to fix her chipped claw? Will Hawkfrost reveal his love for unicorns and fairies? Will Cinderpelt, er...Madam Cinders, be able to make Brightheart beautiful? All is revealed here...
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Firestar was sitting in his den, eating muffins, when Sandstorm waltzed in. **"Firestar! Look at my new purse!"**

It was pink with a white cat face on it.

Firestar stared as he popped another muffin into his mouth. **"What kind of purse is that?"**

Sandstorm squeezed the cat face and it began to meow.

Firestar's eyes lit up. **"I, uh… I mean… What a great purse! Can I squeeze it?"**

"**Uh-uh! You get your own!" **With that, Sandstorm strutted out of the leader's den.

Firestar sighed and pulled a lever, opening his wall of meowing cat purses. **"Sandstorm wantses purses for herself! Nooooooooo, Firestar will getses the purseses!"**

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Squirrelflight was talking on her cell phone to Sorreltail, who happened to be out hunting. **"I was like, 'Brambleclaw, why do you trust Hawkfrost more than me?' Than he's like 'But I do trust you!' And I'm like, 'We're through!'"**

Brambleclaw had padded up to Squirrelflight. **"Hey, um… Squirrelflight? Can I talk to you for a heartbeat?"**

Squirrelflight held up her paw in Brambleclaw's face. **"Listen, Sorreltail, I gotta go. _He _wants to talk to me. Later."**

Flipping off her cell phone, the ginger cat turned to Brambleclaw. **"And what do you want?"**

The dark brown tabby tom looked uncomfortable. **"I, uh… I wanted to know if you wanted to, um… go hunting with me?"**

The warrior rolled her eyes. **"Whatever."**

Out in the forest, Squirrelflight was sitting on a rock, chatting away on her cell phone. **"He's like, 'Will you go hunting with me?' And I'm like, 'What_ever _****loser.'"**

The ginger she-cat spotted a vole and exclaimed, **"I gotta go. There's a vole I have to catch waiting for me." **Then she flipped off her cell phone and pounced on the vole. Sitting up, the warrior shrieked, **"I chipped a claw! Oh. My. StarClan! Where's Leafpool? I have to find Leafpool!"**

As soon as the hunt was over Squirrelflight raced towards Leafpool. **"Leafpool! Leafpool, I chipped a claw!" **She froze and looked around in wonder. Not only had the medicine cat's den gotten bigger, but they put in carpets, wallpaper, and even cardboard photos of the most beautiful cats ever with makeovers.

Leafpool emerged from behind a cardboard photo of Silverstream. **"Ah, you are a fashion _don't_, daaaaahling."**

Squirrelflight stared at her sister. **"What happened to you?"**

The light brown tabby shrugged. **"Cinderpelt watched a beauty show, and told the other medicine cats about it. Now, besides healing and mending your wounds, we give fashion makeovers, daaaaaaahling."**

Squirrelflight shrugged. **"Whatev. Look, I chipped a CLAW! Can you BELIEVE IT! Can you fix it for me!"**

Leafpool shook her head. **"I'm just the fashionable receptionist, daaaaahling. Madam Cinders will fix it for you."**

Squirrelflight looked confused. **"Madam Cinders?"**

As if on cue, Cinderpelt padded out from behind a cardboard photo of Mothwing. **"Ahhhhh, Squirrelflight! Daaaaaaahling! You are in need of a makeover!"**

Squirrelflight stared in horror. **"I only want you to fix my CHIPPED CLAW."**

Madam Cinders shook her head. **"You are in need of a makeover. Come." **Then she began to drag Squirrelflight by the paw through hanging beads into the back of the den.

"**NOOOO! SOMEONE SAVE ME!" **Squirrelflight screeched as she disappeared behind the beads...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Hawkfrost was sitting on a unicorn, feeding it carrots. **"There you go Mr. Flufflekins. Eat your carrots. You want to be big and strong like me, right?"**

Mistyfoot padded out from behind a bush. **"Hey, Hawkfrost. Leopardstar wants to talk to you, and—"** She froze and stared. **"Oh my StarClan…"**

Hawkfrost looked nervous. **"Oh, what? This unicorn? Oh, um… I got it… At a yard sale! Yeah, that's it!"**

"**What's a yard sale?" **Mistyfoot asked.

"**Never mind. Anyways, I was just about to catch this unicorn, and, um… Bring it back for the whole Clan to eat!"**

Mr. Flufflekins immediately whinnied. **"Hey! I'm your PET, thank you very much!"**

Mistyfoot looked amused. **"Pet?" **

Mr. Flufflekins gave a snort. **"Yup."**

Mistyfoot quickly pulled out her cell phone and snapped photos of Hawkfrost, staring in horror at her, while Mr. Flufflekins wore a sign around his neck saying 'I'm Hawkfrost's pet unicorn.'

The RiverClan deputy quickly sent the photos to all of the Clans, and sent two to Squirrelfight, just for good measure.

Meanwhile, back at ThunderClan…

Squirrelflight was sitting in a chair. Metal bands attached her paws to the chair, keeping her from running away.

Madame Cinders was preparing makeup and nail clippers. **"Daaaaahling, you will look _fabulous _when I am through with you."**

Squirrelflight exclaimed in exasperation, **"For the 15, 784, 472, 907th time, I ONLY WANT YOU TO FIX MY CHIPPED CLAW!"**

Madame Cinders acted like she didn't even hear the she-cat, and turned towards her with jars and cases of makeup. **"Are you ready, daaaaahling?"**

Squirrelflight squirmed in reply. Suddenly, her cell phone began to ring, **"Like, oh my gosh." **

Squirrelflight looked at Madame Cinders. **"Will you answer that for me, please?"**

The gray she-cat shook her head. **"No, daaaaaaahling. Beauty comes first." **Then she began to apply makeup to the warrior…


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: Ahh, I forgot the disclaimer! (hides and repeats over and over) I am not Erin Hunter. I do not own Warriors. Only the plot of Twisted!**

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**Chapter 3**

Madame Cinders spun the chair around so Squirrelflight could look in the mirror.

Squirrelflight stared. She had shadow on her cheeks to make them look higher, more exotic. Green eye shadow had been applied to bring out the color of her eyes. And the rest of her… looked gorgeous!

The warrior finally managed to speak. **"I look… FABULOUS! But what about my claw?"**

Madame Cinders pulled out a filer and filed her claws down.

Squirrelflight grinned. **"Like, thanks!" **She grabbed her cell phone and padded out of the medicine cat's den. As she padded through camp, toms stopped whatever they were doing to stare at Squirrelflight.

Spiderleg whispered to Sootfur, **"Do you think I could get a reservation at the Fresh-kill Inn?"**

The gray tom stared at his friend. **"No. It costs _nine_ voles just for a reservation for _one_!"**

"**Darn it."**

Later, Squirrelflight sat on top of a rock, chatting away on her cell phone to Whitepaw, who was on a patrol. **"So I'm like, 'Just fix my claw!' And Cinderp-Madam Cinders is like, 'No, daaaaahling. I must give you a total makeover!' So I'm like, 'Why won't you do my claw?' And she acts like she didn't hear me! Ugh, can you _believe _the nerve! Look, I gotta go. Brambleclaw is coming towards me. Later." **Then she flipped off her cell phone and jumped off the rock. **"Whaddaya want, Brambles?"**

The dark brown tabby tom looked confused. **"Brambles?"**

"**Yah," **Squirrelflight exclaimed.

"**Oh. Um, anyways… I thought you might like to, um, go on a hunting patrol with me?"**

Squirrelflight shrugged. **"Sure, whatever."**

Out in the forest, the dark ginger she-cat stalked a vole when, **"Like, oh my gosh!" **rang out in the air. The vole dashed away, and Squirrelflight sighed as she flipped on her cell phone. **"Squirrely here. Oh, Sorreltail! What's up? You and Brackenfur are going on a hunt together? Oh, that's great! That's so sweet! Well, you two have fun! Later!" **She flipped off her cell with a happy sigh.

Suddenly, a ball of light gray fur tackled the warrior…

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**Sorry for the short chapter, everyone! Couldn't think that well for this one... Whoever guesses who tackled Squirrelflight correctly wins a cookie!**


	4. Chapter 4

**So sorry for the lack of updates! I have awful writer's block for this story!**

**If anyone would like to suggest one or two things, it would be gladly appreciated! Thankies!**

**DISCLAIMER: I pretty much own nothing.**

**

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****"BIRCHKIT!" **Squirrelflight gave a yowl. 

The little kit gave a squeal. **"Hiya, Squirrely!"**

Squirrely rolled her eyes. **"It's Squirrelsters to _you_, mister."**

Birchkit stared. **"What's a mister?"**

The dark ginger cat groaned. **"You're hopeless. Maybe Madam Cinders can do some psychiatry on you." **She picked the kit up by the scruff and began towards the medicine cat's den.

**"Yo, Madam Cinders. You have a psychiatry patient." **Setting down Birchkit, Squirrelsters looked around. **"MC?"**

Madam Cinders padded out from behind a cardboard picture of Feathertail. **"Ahhhhh, Birchkit, daaaaaaahling. You are in need of my wonderful psychiatry, no?"**

Birchkit stared at the medicine cat with wide eyes and shrunk back. **"Mommy…"**

Birchkit was lying on a bed/chair thingamajig, and Madam Cinders sat with a pen and paper in her paws.

"**Okay, Birchkit, daaaaaaaaaahling. When did your clueless-ness about the word 'mister' start?"**

Birchkit, who was chewing on a muffin, shrugged. **"Mhph, Imph don'tph knowph."**

Madam Cinders nodded wisely. **"I see. So you're saying that ever since Larchkit died, you've been having strange attacks of randomness? Interesting."**

Birchkit swallowed the muffin and shrugged again. **"I guess so."**

Madam Cinders shook her head. **"Tsk, tsk, tsk. I will have to use makeup on you."**

"**Why?"**

"**Because you might be suffering randomness attacks."**

"**Wh-"**

"**Never mind. Leafpool-hand me the makeup bag!"**

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**Dun, dun, dun… I apologize for the short chappie… I have devastating writer's block for this story. If anyone has ideas, please, put some in your reviews! All reviews are appreciated!**


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